I’m about to buy a bidet, and now you have me second-guessing myself. I don’t have balls to protect my bathroom floor.

This makes me sad.

STEWART/COLBERT 2028

As a woman, you couldn’t PAY ME to have a baby, you NEVER could. You know that shit in A Handmaid’s Tale where they send the women who are too old to have kids out to work the fields until they die? Sign me up, because I’d rather be dead than bring a child into this world that has gotten only more and more fucked up as I’ve been alive. I always say, I love *my *children so much that I refuse to give them life on Earth.

I love all of these, not gonna lie.

She has a severe allergy to something? Sounds like a weakness that we cannot afford the head of DHS to have.

Only infidels think more than one move ahead!

I love my kids so much I chose not to bring them into this fucked up world.

I’m super looking forward to this!

So much winning!

Fuckin’ dumb-dumbs. FAFO.

Nobody is taking Nyquil to decongest, they’re taking it to pass the fuck out.

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the original Bambi, a Life in the Woods by Felix Salten. It is 100% not for children, and describes in great detail the difficulty of surviving in the forest, from the perspective of animals, as well as the trees (there’s a particular moment with the trees that haunts me to this day).

It was written in the 1920s, I think, but it’s really great, and a far cry from what Disney turned it into.

This little killer is adorable

Oh no! Anyway…

I’ll add it to the list! Thank you!

I’ll add it to the list!

I’ll definitely check it out! Sounds like what I’m looking for!

I did really enjoy the Altered Carbon books, and others have mentioned the other 2 series you said, so those sound good. Thanks!

I’ll look into it. I’m a little sc-fi’d out at the moment, but if it’s adjacent, it might do. Thanks for the recommendation!