Remember when NYPD watched a guy attacking people on the subway with a knife?

Big ol’ (X).

Statue That Just Found Out It’s A Statue is my new spirit animal…

“Hey Lisa, i dare you to drink the water…”

I

HATE

SAUERKRAUT!

I guess that’s all I’m really trying to say.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Goalposts!

No. Hyperbole is just a really fast bole.

Red or green, homie?

But Taffy, aren’t you worried about the Vug…?

“I remember when a dime bag cost a dime. Know what a condom cost?”

“Nuh uh.”

“Me neither. We never used the damn things.”

Egad, you’re right! Here, we let reality do us!

“We’re going to take the firearms first and then go to court, because that’s another system. Because a lot of times by the time you go to court … it takes so long to go to court to get the due process procedures. I like taking the guns early, like in this crazy man’s case that just took place in Florida; he had a lot of fires [and] they saw everything. To go to court would have taken a long time, so you could do exactly what you’re saying but take the guns first, go through due process second.”

• Nancy Pelosi
• God-Emperor Depends

“He didn’t mean it. He was joking.”

“He’s not gonna hurt me, I’m white…!”

“They’re only going after the bad ones.”

All quotes come directly from family that will be affected by Trump’s shit. They couldn’t care less though, because they believe the shit they say. They’ll be fine, it’s just everyone else that’s fucked.

Drugs

Are

Really

Expensive

Thanks Obama…?

Fingers crossed he can’t

Is that before or after he fucked the Queen of the Moon?

YOINK!

there’s a very good chance the judge and sheriff were both wildly corrupt

About the same chance as the sun coming up tomorrow, I’d wager.

“Shifting,” as if this hasn’t been happening since he rode that fucking escalator. That was what, 296 years ago…?

And the crowd says

RTJ!

👊👈

Joe Biden is literally the Grandpa in the joke “Grandpa died peacefully in his sleep. Everyone else on the bus he was driving died screaming.” Grandpa needs to just shut the fuck up and go away already.